Self-Worth Digest

5 Ways To Overcome Black Friday PTSD


If you are familiar with our previous article, ‘5 Methods For Training Your Mind, Body And Spirit To Get The Best Black Friday Sales‘, then you may be looking for ways to rid yourself of the post-doorbuster jitters.

From nightmares which cause you to awake up in a cold sweat, to complete changes in behavior, we here at Self-Worth Digest have compiled 5 ways to help cope with the Post Traumatic Stress Disorders often diagnosed following this great American holiday tradition!

Get Your Party On

With Christmas and many other Yuletide celebrations just around the corner, no one–including your loved ones–want to deal with your emotional problems. Recover faster by getting into the holiday spirit with some liquid spirits!

Indulge in vices you normally limit yourself on, be it drink, going out or even more shopping! They don’t call it retail therapy for nothing! Top psychiatrists also recommend that you satiate all your desires as a reminder of all the good things in life, rather than dwell on the amount of people you stepped over in effort to get that last 55 inch Curved Screen Smart TV!

Don’t forget to consume plenty of sugar, caffeine and other stimulants to fuel your overbooked social and celebratory activities to keep your mind active and faraway from guilt.

Jump Into Major Life Decisions

If you are suffering from intense bouts of hallucinations, nightmares, and mood swings that cannot be improved from the above suggestions, fret not! One of the best ways to avoid addressing your emotional turmoil is to spontaneously act upon any significant, life-altering choices that have been on your mind. Propose to your boyfriend or girlfriend, and plan a spontaneous weekend to elope at a Chapel of Love; Despite your indecision or hesitance toward commitment! Or conversely, act on serving those divorce papers, move to a different city, state or country. A fundamental change to your life is exactly what you need to contextualize all your pent up stress, and soon you’ll be so distracted with keeping up with this new life, you won’t have time to dwell on your deeply seeded emotional trauma stemming from the atrocities you committed in the name of savings!

Regain Control

Have you tried reliving your Black Friday experience by talking to anyone? Or perhaps have you been writing about your feelings, for it to result in involuntary flashbacks to the exact moment where you used your conductive electrical weapon on a Best Buy employee who entered the perimeter of your 3-foot “safe-zone”?

Well, part of recommended treatment for PTSD is to help you feel in control of your life again! Stop trying to force confrontation with your negative thoughts and thereby giving them power over you! This will only make matters worse as your mind tailspins into crushing self-doubt and spiraling paranoia. There’s no way that the effects of your traumatic experience will progressively get worse if you block them out completely! Get back to escapism and repression, and soon you’ll be on the road to recovery just in time to deal with another Christmas family crisis!


During this hectic time of the year, we often forget to simply take care of ourselves, and following all the stressors of a screaming, clawing death match for the latest iPhone, you’re definitely going to need them. Survivor’s guilt and self-blame are all natural parts being solely responsible for serious bodily injury (even if the store’s surveillance cameras didn’t capture your face), so combat those destructive feelings with self-love! Wash the mental and literal blood from your body and soul with a mint and rosemary body wash, or throw some makeup over that black eye and take a new selfie with your insane Black Friday steals! Bask in the consequent waves of dopamine as your pictures and 280 characters are retweeted until all feelings of culpability for your actions wash away.

Emotional Distancing

You don’t need to be an active participant in Black Friday to get PTSD or some other significant stress disorder. Just being an innocent bystander as a 72-year-old grandfather gets trampled to death at your local Walmart is unsettling enough for you to question the very fabric of humanity itself!

That’s why we recommend desensitizing yourself as soon as possible to all the horrors of the world. Look up videos of grotesque tragedies on the Internet, or watch the national news, several times a day, on a regular basis. In just a few days you should find your moral callus hardening just enough to distance yourself from the terrors you have witnessed and no longer feel guilt or disgust!

Millions of Americans suffer from varying degrees of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, so please feel no fault or stigma involved in experiencing any of these symptoms following a traumatic event. You have enough stress in your life already, what with last minute returns, cleaning the house and wrapping all those impulsively chosen presents! They don’t call it “Thanksgiving” for nothing!

Thank you for reading, and we hope you enjoy a non-catatonia inducing Black Friday bargain-hunt!

Self-Worth Digest and it’s authors are not trained professionals in any field, and do not guarantee our guidance to be beneficial, or that any of the advice contained herein is cognitively sound. Click here to read our full disclaimer or follow this link for our list of legitimate mental health resources.

2 Responses to 5 Ways To Overcome Black Friday PTSD

  1. I will never forget the black friday of 2009. People trampled under foot. People being carried over crowds as though it was a heavy metal concert, as shoppers ripped at their flesh. i saw at least seven deaths at walmart alone.. I cannot even go to the electronic section of the grocery store without severe flashbacks.

  2. I severed in the military for over 20 years. I have been deployed to several war torn areas with enemies still embedded. I’ve shot and I’ve killed on the battlefield. But none of that compares with the “every-person-for-themselves” mentality, and extreme violence associated with black friday. There are no allies. Only enemies. Fellow americans who I fought for overseas blood thirsty over a new lcd flatscreen tv. Eyes being torn from the socket. Legs caught in bear traps someone has left in the isles. Screaming. The gnashing of teeth. They say war is hell and I agree. But black friday is hell on earth…

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